So this is what it feels like? I've been in this place before, but I promise you that my jealousy has never reached such a sinful state. You probably laugh at that statement, but I am not kidding you...
The first time it happened was when my bestest friend went to intern in Bosnia after I'd been the summer before. I thought I was gonna die- but little did I know that God was going to change the course of my life by not allowing me to go that summer.
The second time it happened is when the same bestest friend moved to Kentucky to work with some awesome people, and I stayed to work at a church in KC. Again- God changed the course of my plans to change my life.
The third time it happened was when said best friend moved to Bosnia for a year. I was a little better by this time, but still had hints of jealousy. God once again changed the course of my life during that year (after I went to visit her of course).
Now that I think about it, I am not too foreign to this whole idea. But something about having two friends at the baby house in Mozambique is KILLING me and I don't see my staying behind being any catalyst to God changing the course of my life right now. Not even a hint of possible change in the horizion. I'd give just about anything to go for a week or two (or three for that matter). It's to the point that the other night I started praying for a really cheap ticket to come up- those miracle tickets you hear about, and that the aformentioned friend called me just the other night to tell me about one she found.
Why does all this matter? Well...I am seeing that if I had up and left to go to Africa this summer, there are indeed some really cool things going on that have to do with others lives that I am close to. If I was gone, I would miss out on the opportunity to partake in such joy. So maybe my jealousy won't kill me after all....and I don't think it is even going to live that long in my heart. It will remain a funny topic to lament........until I look at those pictures of those babies again.
I'm going to go look for that miracle ticket now.
3 comments:
well JB in July you can look at my baby- and hold her all day if you want.. and my nephews will be visiting so there would be a lot of noise and children running around.. oh and I live in the hood so pretending that we are roughing it like Mozambique won't be too hard.. I know not the same -- but truly a close second
i've felt the exact same way enough times to be embarassed about it. i really, really love your heart!
Jordashe- What's up friend!!! I miss you much and the babies are great. If you find a ticket for cheap let me know I will come and pick you up at the airport. Check out my flickr account or my blog, I added a bunch of new pictures of the kids, and as I was doing it I was thinking that maybe it would tide you over. Miss you bunches and don't be jealous. The diapers are as messy as ever.
jb
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